Thursday, April 26, 2012

Motoring Naked: Tales from the Road

SOMEHOW THIS week the Bare Platypus team started talking about driving naked on roadways.  We think the many Twitter tweets from fellow nudists and naturists on the subject may have triggered the discussion. In any event, the members of the team started sharing stories of whether, and when, they’ve tried it. 

We even talked to the lawyer on our team for some guidance.  Predictably, just like a lawyer he hedged a bit on his answers.  His first disclaimer: traveling interstates often means crossing different states and he’s not admitted to the bar in every one so his words shouldn’t be construed as “advice.” 

He also reminded us that we live in an age where everyone has a cell phone so if even one person sees you and is offended, they may report it to highway patrol. An anonymous call may not stand up in court for lack of a complaining witness on a disorderly conduct charge, but it will get you pulled over. You probably don’t want to explain being naked to the Georgia State patrolman. 

Finally, all things being equal, it’s probably better to be motoring starkers down the highway (especially, say, at night) than coasting by an elementary school.  It’s more difficult to establish you were trying to offend someone or get your jollies by exposing yourself.

Okay, there’s some light legal treatment of the subject.  But what about fun stories from people who admit to this guilty pleasure?  Everyone on the Platypus Team confessed to doing it at least once, usually to break up the boredom on long trips.  Here are a few highlights:

Platypus 1:  “We were traveling across the country and hit some long stretches of road in Texas where there is virtually nothing until you get to El Paso.  Everyone in the car shucked off their clothes and we drove for 100’s of miles rarely seeing anyone else.  When we came to more “civilization” we were happy to be in the land of good restaurants and gas stations again but getting dressed was a downer.”

Platypus 2:  “Our family drove a big Ford van for a while, which was great because it sat high enough on the road that only big trucks could’ve seen into it.  I often put half of a long towel on the driver’s seat and let the other half drape down.  When coming upon toll booths or passing a tall truck it was easy to pull the draped end over my lap to be discreet.”

Platypus 3:  “Usually my wife is a bit more cautious when it comes to baring all on the highway, but one day the weather was so perfect that we rolled down the windows, opened the sun roof, and actually kept the speedometer at 55 mph.  The call of sun and sky must have been too strong because she adjusted the seat to lay nearly flat and let the sunbeams fall on her naked chest and torso.  Truthfully it was kinda difficult to focus all my attention on the road!”

Platypus 4:  “Our then three-year old son had been riding with us on an extended trip.  For the better part of a day he was good but, understandably, got cranky as the hours and miles wore on.  We stopped at a rest area to get a drink and stretch our legs, but when it came time to get back in the car, the kid adamantly refused.  He was doing that “keep his legs straight thing” that makes it impossible to get a three-year old into a car seat.  Finally my husband lighted on an idea and offered to take all the boy’s clothes off and let him ride naked if he would cooperate.  We went through another two states with no trouble and he fell asleep before we reached our destination!”

We have one more entry, not from the Platypus Team, but from a mom with an autistic son who hates wearing clothes.  It has led to some humorous episodes in the family car that we’ll let you read for yourself at: Considering Move to a Nudist Colony .

How about it readers?  Got a naked motoring experience you’d like to share?